❤ H S N H

Reblog

2011-04-17T23:35:00.001+08:00

www.hsnh.tumblr.com

2011-04-16T10:06:00.002+08:00

Friskie

2011-04-16T10:04:00.002+08:00

If things are not meant to go right .

2011-04-16T09:58:00.003+08:00

Logged in to my hotmail today and the site says that my account is temporarily blocked . Urgh . I don't want to get a new emailing address . It just causes more hassle . So no reading of mails for me .

Anyway , I got a family gathering to go to this afternoon at Resort World Sentosa . It's going to be boring as I can't flaunt myself in a bikini and drink alcohol .

Friskie

2011-04-13T10:15:00.002+08:00

Friskie is my cat . She is in another country an hour away from mine . Adopted or rather stolen from her mom from the car shop in Malaysia . Friskie is super adorable . Grey and black , blue eyed . Likes to sleep next to me , likes to lick my hands and fingers . I miss her , even my boyfriend who is afraid of 4 legged creatures miss her too . Time to get my passport ready real soon .

Truth

2011-04-07T23:16:00.002+08:00

The truth is , the truth won't come by by itself .

The truth needs to be dug out from every conner of the earth down to its core .

The truth is also hard to hear hard to believe hard to even imagine .

The truth is only spoken out of those who has the courage and for those ears who dares to bare .

2011-04-07T13:05:00.002+08:00

The song that keeps me going

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvM2HV8Vf0w

its house music .

About the water fasting thing i only did it for like 3/4 of the day . Boo hoo , and stopped totally .

This is my Facebook

http://www.facebook.com/HSNHH

getting bored of it , cause my friends and my boyfriend are not that active as they used to be . So I am now just stuck with playing Baking Life on Facebook .

Lately I been having the strangest dreams .

Today I've fallen in love with my best friend bf and he also falls in love with me , there are numbers on the playground where we met and the flying numbers seems to make sense . (but i totally forgot what the numbers were , my god ! i could buy 4D with that !) Overall the dream ended up with me being with my current bf although he can be quite a pocket pincher (saves up for the future i guess) and I don't have to hurt my best friend's feeling . . (I wonder why he looked so cute in my dreams) . Evil evil Satan , please do not make anymore crappy dreams for me . Testing my morals and everything . *pfft*

Water Fasting

2011-04-05T08:26:00.002+08:00

If yo google is up or youtube it up you will know what water fasting is all about . It's done for 40 days and it is for spiritual proposes .

I will not be doing it for 40 days , I am thinking 2 weeks and a half . Not for god , but for myself , to lose weight and also , to make myself physically and mentally stronger . I get like this massive crankiness when I get hungry or fatigue , so this is a way to challenge that . I shall stay calm . Retain the peace in my mind .

Day 1 starts today .

Update soon .

Pray Peace Love .

I am not Gay .

2011-04-04T01:28:00.002+08:00

Dreams are really , what your subconscious mind is thinking , the deeper you .

Well , I had one , and I was kissing a girl and wanting more .

I mean , she is pretty in real life , I am quite envious of her having natural good looks , I want to get to know her better at the same time , admire her from far .

Now that I had that dream , I know I have a crush on her and she is the only girl that I will dare kiss and grope .

Told my boyfriend about the dream and my feelings , he is cool with it . He says that we all could have a threesome . I still love my boyfriend the same (/more) , I still do crave his dick (/more) cause everything in our relationship is going so well , maturing and I am starting to open my little windows to my heart . Never am I going to let anyone touch him . That means no threesome , even though I like the girl . Its not love . So the main thing is I AM NOT GAY ! I just sort of just like er , like like her ?

Clap your hands and get rid of negative energy .

2011-04-03T03:42:00.002+08:00

I think I did not prayed enough and forgot about myself for a while . Now the energies around me are pushing me to the breaking point . Positive thinking and a Big smile helps us deal with negative energies temporarily . Meditation is the key to long term mental health . Not forgetting sleep .

2011-03-31T12:55:00.002+08:00

I've been working 9 days straight . Tired ? not really . Thanks to a special bracelet that keeps my blood flow running at a higher speed . Customers are not at all irritating or demanding . Talking about customers , most of them want a bigger size clothes to fit them . (our biggest is UK 16 , sometimes UK 12 . ) They feel upset or frustrated with themselves not able to fit into it . Yes , I agree that they should have bigger sizes . I once went to a store that sells only x-xxxl clothes . I didn't know about the sizes , and the sales girl told me that I won't be able to fit in any of their clothes as they only cater to plus size women . I bought a high waisted jean from Topshop the other day , and I wore , waist 26 , length 28 . Its a bit too big for me at the waist , but if I take waist 25 , my fat thighs won't be able to squeeze in them . Damn fat thighs . Am so looking forward to my next pay . I will be driving the next time you see me .

5 day off from work .

2011-03-21T20:59:00.001+08:00

Wed :

Woke up early in the morning to neatly pack my stuff as I dumped everything in the night before .

Withering in the heat as I carried my bag with a sore arm .

Weakly donated .

Work .

Waited .

Wee~ off to Johor Bahru .

Thur :

Timing was off . Had some problems with the car .

Tossed and turned on the couch watching movies while waiting for the car problem to be fixed .

Tomorrow will be the great drive will take action .

Friday :

Finding for something to cope with the freezing temperature at Malacca .

Food of choice A&W . Baskin Robbins .

Sat :

Slept in the Hotel as the Apartments we all fully booked .

Sounds of Bebel Gilberto filled my head .

Sun was not shining . Rain started pouring .

Silently waited for the rain to stop as I chewed on a hot plate of Nasi Goreng Kampung with Telur Mata Lembu and Sipping a hot cup of Teh-O .

Skyway ride was lovely . Breath taking view .

Sun tanning was not an option .

Some rides were closed due to the rain . My favorite ride was the teacups .

Sparkles in the sky was not seen due to the misty atmosphere .

Showed up next at Ripley's - believe it or not - museum . It was fantastic . Loved everything there .

Sun:

Slept , drove the long drive .

Stopped at Kuala Lumpur .

Mon :

Make way to Singapore .

Making Things Work

2011-03-15T00:19:00.002+08:00

Divided by two.

Half for mom , half for dad .

mom showed affection by nagging and its all about emotions .

When she came over the other day , i cried as I hugged her .

She did too . Gave me a shirt which I thought was not my type but took it anyway , with sincerity . Father , showed affection by giving us things money can buy . A cable tv , broadband and a phone line complete with a phone ., eventhough he doesn't use them at all .

He also did some house work . Tried to cook . Buy us food . Gave cigarettes and allowances .

I thought they make a perfect couple . The combination is just great .

I am torn , my siblings should be feeling torn too .

Hit me with a great idea .

2011-03-12T22:07:00.000+08:00

I am not out of the box . Stuck inside this unruly rut . So basically I have absolutely nothing interesting to talk about except for my future plans . Here goes : March till May (need to extend the date due to my library books) , do some research on drawing models . June - August , get inspiration do some research for my pin up collection . August - October , create own designs of twelve piece . November to January , sew and produce .

I haven't include work , driving license , relationship , my family , his family , my friends .

Yes 'partying' is NOT on my list . I need to be clean and sober to deal with such perfect and ideal routine .

Thecnically

2011-03-09T23:19:00.004+08:00

My pay is not here yet due to the sudden closed bank account .

I have unpaid bills , and a trip to go to I need my pay by next week Thursday pronto .

God save me , please .

Questions

2011-03-02T23:07:00.003+08:00

My head is filled with stupid questions , no matter how smart I am I can't answer then myself .

What will my future be like ? Will it be bleak ?

Nowadays I am scrambling around like a little rat trying to keep up with everything . Work , relationship , family , 'in laws' , friendship . Soon there will be school and a car to think about . I am just too tired . I want to have a peaceful undisrupted rest . Not being awaken by some nightmare and the alarm . I can't have an early night because its the only time where I could sit by the phone or laptop to interact with people who are not around as much and to talk to my boyfriend . He seem so far . We hardly have time for each other . We planned a massive occasion . 3 days 2 night in another country . In fact , we had the whole year planned out . School , work and licenses in April . Celebrating Mother's Day in May . Holiday in our own country in June . None for July . Our anniversary in August . 9 none 10 none . 11 his 21st birthday . 12 my 21st birthday . Tell me about it . Wow !

To my biological mother .

2011-03-02T00:16:00.003+08:00

Dear mom ,

I hope you are well . I hope you are safe . I have tried to contact you but my line had long been cut due to late payments of my bills . Brother , sister and myself are all well . I did my bed , vacuumed the floor , washed the dishes , did my laundry , like you told me when you were around . Did you remember that time when I went to Kuala Lumpor for a few days ? I hugged you when I came back . I missed you mom . It has only been 4 days since you left . I am missing you so much . I miss how you assist me out the door when I go to work . Look down form the 21th floor to see me walk safely for a minute until I disappear from sight right around that corner . You had a kind and soft heart mom . You just got confused and lonely along the way . I promised I'll take you out for dinner on Mother's Day . I miss you greatly that it makes me cry . By the way , step mum is here at father's house . She seem kind of , I don't know how to describe her . She is ok I guess . Let's just wait for her true color to show up .

-HSNH

2011-02-21T21:58:00.002+08:00

She who food , found a he who works at a restaurant . she uses him for free takeovers . she grew fat and looks like a bucket stuffed with chicken .

She who love clothes , found a he who works at a clothing store . she uses him for free coupons . she's now a fashionista .

She who loves money , goes for men with money . she uses him to buy all things she desires . she looks like a million bucks because she cost a million bucks .

2011-02-18T22:48:00.002+08:00

I am going out tonight .

To a place I created .

Its dark but the stars bright , the moon close .

The cool wind blows , the smell of dew lingers .

Green grass flat , pressured by my mass .

Am I alone ? No , there's a dark figure beside me , but he's back is facing me .

Who is he ?

Without even thinking I rest my head against his shoulder .

Took a deep breathe , speak of nothing , just breathing .

the second hand always moves before the main hand

2011-02-16T10:39:00.003+08:00

I remember saying to someone that time we had together is limited and I would like to make the most out of it . Someone smiled and he do , too , agree . I should apply this to the someone too . Stop talking things that don't make sense or get on the other's nerve and start kissing .

Escalating

2011-02-13T23:25:00.003+08:00

The evening was well and good . Woke up beside a man with a tattoo on his right arm that says 'love kills slowly' which I thought was very cliche . Watched a coupe of movies together , in the living room and then ate like starving mad dogs in the a.m. . There was a few moments , where I decided to forgo the movie and go for a book in hand .

During dinner time the a.m. before his mother said to me that trust come from the heart and not trusting someone but still checking your partner's phone for evidence . I said I couldn't do that and disagreed to her . After reading some pages of the book , I believe she it right . Love is to give it your all , then you find true happiness . Even at times you get your heart broken don't give up to find the mr/mrs right , give your all . If you give a little bit less , you can't find true happiness cause you are always on guard . What his mother was telling me was trust with sincerity .

P.s. : thanks for the sweet love .

Its the women that goes woof .

2011-02-10T09:18:00.002+08:00

Smiling while wiping off beads of perspiration rolling down the side of my face on the way to work . Thinking about my baby . Once I got there it was a whole different story , I was being accused of changing my schedule . Why would I want to change my timing from 12 , to 2 ? If that isn't bad enough , customers are so irritating . I was told to release all the clothes with no name on them , I did as I was told , and I got another lashing for that ! What the fuck man ! I DID AS WAS TOLD ! Let me not talk about work anymore .

Today I am using a hint of lipstick and lots of lipgloss and I am so in love with my lips that I would kiss myself ! meow ~

Band names .

2011-02-08T20:06:00.002+08:00

Was ransacking brain for Band Names .

1. 30 Second Blow - because I only give short blow jobs that last less than 30 seconds .

2. Down Syndrome - because you know what is down 'there' . Hell and Vaginas , you just can't get enough of it . You know , you want more .

3. My mom says No - because when you ask your mom if you can form a band and what name she would suggest , you got it , she says No .

Positivity

2011-02-07T22:53:00.002+08:00

Ate a fortune cookie last Saturday . It says that my relationship is beginning to blossom . I totally agree to it . My partner and I were trying to conceive . We were so excited . Up till now I still feel the joy of conceiving . I don;t really care about the problems that I had to face along the way . Not being married , not being engaged and not having the financial security . I am just too happy .

Anyway , being 21 this year change me . I had converted to a lacto-ovo-vegetarian . I had never felt more alive in years . Eating all those meat in the past , I felt that it was really unnecessary . I want to have my wardrobe filled with grown up clothes that are sexy yet conservative . Showing some skin but not reveling any cleavage at all .

I have eaten 4 eggs and 4 wholemeal bread for dinner today . Really sleepy now . Need to catch up on my sleep . Goodnight goodbye . Happy advance valentine's everyone .

2011-02-02T00:37:00.002+08:00

Soul searching .

Now i am in love .

I am happy .

Thanks for everything you have done , not giving up and giving in your everything .

Talking to a homeless cat in the A.m.

2011-02-01T07:59:00.002+08:00

Horrendous . Mascara smudged all around my tearing eye , cigarette in one hand , leaning on a rail and talking to a homeless kitten . The kitten was just as lonely and freezing in the cold as I am . Unfortunately for the kitten it got drenched in the pouring rain . I said "Come home with me , you won't be lonely anymore . My house is warm and my father is overseas , I am sure the rest of my family don't mind ." I started crying again when it did not respond to me , it just look at me as if I am drunk or crazy , but in actual fact I was having one of my frantic panic attacks . While heading home , I manage to control myself by pushing two fingers down my throat , the chocking feeling revived me back of my senses .

2011-01-30T02:36:00.002+08:00

i am crying form the inside , bleeding form the outside and my ass is laughing in my face .

Assholes

2011-01-30T01:48:00.003+08:00

There are lots of assholes out there who are out to ruin your relationship .

They try to bring it down with all their might asking you to leave your partner .

Saying that they can't forgive your partner if something like this were to happen to them .

As a matter of fact , they will forgive their own partner . Even if they don't , why should you listen what other people are saying or thinking , cause in the end , the relationship doesn't involve the other parties . The relationship is between you and your partner .

Fuck of bitch ! Suck your own cock brother !

Kenneth Thomas - Wish You Were Here (Jerome Robins & Zoltan Kontes Remix...

2011-01-27T21:04:00.000+08:00

wannabeanroxia

2011-01-27T00:09:00.004+08:00

i don't know why i feel the need to push myself to be thin while i know i am perfectly fine .

is it the thrill that i get from not eating cause my life is mundane ? or is it that i am trying to hide from the fact that i have no money to eat ? or is it because i want to know what it feels like to be pretty and not so self conscious about my own body ?

do i hate my ugly face ? no , in fact i get mesmerize by them once in a while ? do i hate my bulging tummy ? no , in fact i get excited to think that there is a baby in there and day dream about talking to him/her .

a women told me that your past is what you are now , that you have learned form your lesson/yet to learn form your lesson . my lesson is skinny women are beautiful . not in the inside , but the outside and that is what matter most to most guys . i am neither . i only have the personality of a great friend . i am some what an attention seeker . i want to be notice . maybe a skinny girl can get that attention way more faster than a normal size girl .

talking about attention , every women gets my attention , be it old aunties or just a normal girl without any make up walking past me . i always think to myself , gosh she has so much confidence to do that . how can you go out like that wearing just a t shirt and baggy jeans with unkept eyebrows , i wish i can be like her . or , your tits are sagging and you are wearing a baggy shirt and unflattering pair of pants , what should i wear when i grow old ?

talking about my dieting , i have to confess that the last time i fainted during my dieting period , i love the feel of my bones , i love the growling of my stomach , i love everything about it , except the dizziness part . i love the fainting part too cause i had never faint in my life and it feels so great to drop down like a domino . the truth is i am afraid of the dizziness . i cant think right . i am just afraid on bad reviews at work . if i am not working , i will be fasting the whole day . keep myself busy on the net and sleep my days through . i am trying my best to be thinner here . thats why i keep myself awake after eating my guilty dinner . what am i trying to do ? burn calories by keeping awake ? fml ! i am not even bothering to double check my gammer or spelling errors , i am too tired , i want to sleep but my stomach is fucking full and i feel guilty about it .

Dangerous jobs .

2011-01-25T23:49:00.002+08:00

to take on a job like this one must have insurance . going to a job that risks your life everyday , never knowing , always on guard , must be a terrible thing .

2011-01-20T00:25:00.000+08:00

I AM A LOSER .

back to age 12

2011-01-18T14:24:00.002+08:00

Not to self: stop eating so much . think of all those size zero models . accomplish something in live please . this is something you can control . it is in your hands . get a grip . get your life back on track . and i really mean track ! Lazy ? Do some simple sit ups at home , it wont kill you . Not eating one whole day will makes you a wonderwomen . I dare you not to eat for one day . 230pm-230pm . plain water . get a fucking control of your life by doing this . reward yourself with an apple the next day 231pm . from there , only non-process food , no food , better ! only plain water . cranky ? coke zero . the acid is good for your fat stomach .

I am up for the challenge

-HSNH

if I fail, I have no control of my life and that my life is turning upside down .

2011-01-16T18:29:00.002+08:00

She solemnly stroke my hair as I talk into an electronic device to the man who stole my heart.

She began to pat my back when I turned to face one of the four walls in my room to have a good night's rest . I went out the next morning still feeling those light loving strokes near my hairline.

The man that stole my heart, looks dashing every time I see him. He always look pissed for the 1st 10 minutes that we are together. So I dare not touch , go near or even give nice complements to him. And he is always late.

His parents aren't like mine. They sit next to each other singing songs infront of a crowd.

Mine sleeps in different rooms and are getting a divorce.

I with self esteem going down a drain which leads to a sea to be lost forever, wants cosmetic surgery. Everyone is doing it. Why can't I? I will save enough. It will put an end to the dieting, weight struggling, harsh teases. I want to be pretty for once, like a blooming virgin flower with soul as pure as holy water.

Size 8

2011-01-13T22:25:00.002+08:00

introspected momentarily .

Being enticing was the thesis inside my callous cranium .

Apprehensive .

Speculating .

My heart

2011-01-11T21:07:00.002+08:00

I donated twice in this month . Super proud of myself . Even if I have $4 in my wallet now . My boyfriend is keeping my ATM card . We are saving up for Genting next month . I also help some foreigners out with the General Ticking Machine . Help customers in my shop to find the right clothing . This is a good change in me . I would like to see this more often in me .

By the way my diet plan is back .

Today I ate :

Apple

Fried rice with fish

2 scoops of ice cream

Its like one whole great meal for the whole day . So I think its ok .

Fashion

2011-01-10T10:25:00.002+08:00

There is nothing new for 2011 spring summer .

Sheer Maxi Dresses , Lace . . . . http://www.fashionising.com/trends/b--spring-2011-fashion-trends-spring-summer-2011-4073.html

I need to get myself denim trousers one in dark blue one in black , one will be from GUESS and the other will be from some shop . I don't usually wear long trousers . Its either raining or too hot in Singapore . I don't want my pants to get wet and I don't want to feel all covered up . But I do need the black one for work .

Also , contact lenses in grey (i love this color) maybe I should try blue ? Cause this year spring summer look is all about blue eyes and orangey skin . (orange skin?) Maybe I'll just stick to grey .

High heels ! This is a must . But I cant seem to find one I like or feel comfortable walking in . This is tough . Clogs are in season . I don't like clogs or those shoe like high heels . I feel that they are too bulky . I like open toe wedges and those high heels with strap , basically because the strap secure it . I don't want to lose my shoe like Cinderella .

Dresses . . . night dresses and day dresses . Tons of them .

Oh and some tops to go with some tight skirt .

Thats all folks . (bugs bunny)

Extra-Terrestrial Connection

2011-01-09T01:36:00.002+08:00

I was browsing through some books at Borders today . The biography section .

Its amazing how their stories reaches out to people , and you feel as if you already know them . I can finally say , "I can read you like a book."

Time

2011-01-06T11:43:00.002+08:00

I am in deep shit at work . I just need to preserver another 2 more months . I want to go to Genting this March . If not because of that I think I have already quit my job . But I love working there . Its just that this evil Big Size 12 pig , wants some sort of duel with me . I am not afraid of that white pig ! (actually I am) I have a Medical certificate . But the rest of the story as to why I called by a Malaysia number , an called in late the next day , I have yet to answer . Its killing me~

Screw it . I need a lit . Today i am wear dark blue fold-up shorts , yam purple tank top with a green apple on it , dark brown sweater , brown guess bag and brown slippers .. (i type to say how ridiculous i look)

Jobs

2011-01-06T07:49:00.002+08:00

I don't really know what kind of job suits me .

Obviously , I don't like restriction .

I want to work in the creative media side . Let my imagination run wide like a burning fire . I heard some offices are big and you can cycle around in it , no time limits, work what time you want and all . I am so envious of people who work in those places . I am going to fly to AMERICA!

Maybe I should look at courses to take me there .

Phycology is not a bad thing too . I can console people in need , listen to them . "I am always at the point where I have to sit and listen to people's ramblings . I don't see the need to share my problems to them , unless they ask or they are very close to me . I don't think people want to listen to your sad sobbings , they can chose to have fun instead , the reason why they hear you is that 1. they are busybodies , 2. they are some sort forced too . Sharing it on a blog is different because you can chose not to read it , and no one knows .

Fashion Designing , (the love of my life) but I am giving it up . I will just stick to creating clothes for barbie dolls .

Or maybe I'll just stick to being a good house-maker . Stay at home . Cook , clean , wash . This is the best suggestion ! Because you are going to do all these chores when you get home from work anyway . DUH ! might as well do it Full-Time . wahahaha . But the thing is now , I don't have a husband , and to find one , I must start working on my attitude . My attitude is a bitch . Come on , everybody has attitude , you just got to admit it .

"honey what would you like for dinner?" "i will cook your favorite. chicken breast and lima beans. tehehe!"

God i just made myself sick!

Talking about Husbands , I love smart guys . Street smart or Book smart or dressing wise, whatever I love Smart guys . It is easy to be smart , cause I am that stupid . (my god i can't believe I said all these things about myself , maybe 8.17 am is where my confessional state comes in) Its difficult for me to follow 'simple' instructions . Basically because , its under some restriction and I keep on forgetting stuff . (I can create stuff though . Like this entry . Like this blog skin .) All I am trying to say is , Smart mens are easy to find , I just got to be dumb enough . Smart guys are my type . No ITE landings . No secondary school paupers . If you are under this category , make it up with Street/General knowledge and Smart dressing .

I am getting nowhere with this post . Grr I want to be a house-maker! Now who wants to marry me ? Send in your resume !

2011-01-05T00:45:00.000+08:00

Your own personal Jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who cares
Your own personal Jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who's there

Feeling unknown
And you're all alone
Flesh and bone
By the telephone
Lift up the receiver
I'll make you a believer
Take second best
Put me to the test
Things on your chest
You need to confess
I will deliver
You know I'm a forgiver
Reach out and touch faith
Reach out and touch faith

Your own personal Jesus...

Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who cares
Your own personal Jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who's there

Reach out and touch faith...

Feeling unknown
And you're all alone
Flesh and bone
By the telephone
Lift up the receiver
I'll make you a believer
I will deliver
You know I'm a forgiver
Yeah, reach out and touch faith (your own personal Jesus)
Yeah, reach out and touch faith

Reach out and touch faith...

-marilyn manson

Last Seconds

2011-01-03T20:14:00.002+08:00

Fireworks starts to hit atoms in the sky with a color and manage to send thunderous like sound waves into everyone's eardrums below them . A young women heart beats like a jackhammer , afraid of the loud thundering sound , but eyes , big and wide , beholding the consistency of every uprising capsule being launched. Little did she know a pleasant surprise emerges out of the hands of her beloved sister . It was a ring . A ring that has 9 lopsided hearts .

Its the New Year.

Then she witness ,vows being made , hands being held and bodies being hugged ,cigarettes were lit , drinks were poured and snacks were passed around . After that people started to wander around. Stories of the unfortunate events were told . Hands starts to move ever so smoothly against one's anatomy .

Alas .

Funeral for the merriment

2010-12-28T22:53:00.002+08:00

I was 20 minutes late for my uncle's funeral and they had already covered his face with a white cloth . They then carried my uncle's body into the van which will bring my uncle to the graveyard . Most of us , including me , took the rented bus there . My mom was so late that she didn't get to see the burial process . After the grieving burial procedure , we then head back to my uncle's place to pray for him .

Poot met me after that , at my place . we talked . He talked . He quarrel with my mom's boyfriend .Mom talked to us . Rai (my sister) talked . So basically we all talked . Father talked . This is the 1st time ever I've seen my father talking to someone for so long . I am so glad to see him that way.

How time flies . So fast , its almost like a disappearing act . Tomorrow will be my 4th month anniversary with poot . The day after tomorrow is my birthday . the day after tomorrow's tomorrow is New Years Eve . The day after tomorrow's tomorrow's tomorrow is 2011 . I can't believe it !

Death of a close relative

2010-12-27T22:55:00.003+08:00

R.I.P

MR OTHMAN

forgive us for all those times we were not understanding towards your needs and were rude towards you .

I miss those jokes you and your wife had .

You love prata and I do too .

Call the police cause there's a major catastrophe

2010-12-27T21:31:00.003+08:00

Warning , this article contains reality which are not meant for the faint-hearted .

This is the current happening in my family .

One major fact is that my parents are getting a divorce .

The cause , my father wants to get marred to another women , my mom didn't agree .

Suffering from intense grief , my mom found a man to fill up the hole in her heart .

This man only goes to our house when my father is not around . This man is not a good man . He is disrespectful and had laid his hands on me and my younger brother once . The marks of the incident still remain on our bodies as evidence . Once I called the police to get him out of the house but the police said they cant really do anything as my mom let him in . As for my mom , she sides this man and sad that we were rude . I am not rude to anyone unless they are rude to me in the 1st place . He said that we were animals and he asked me to send a message for him to my father saying "don't fuck around with me." as an adult you shouldn't say "Fuck" infront of whoever's kid , and Asking me to tell my father that , its wrong .

There are more stories I would like to tell , but I'll just keep it in for awhile .

I don't know if men are like feces or they are just plain horny .

My friend got raped by her own brothers (yes with the 'S') for 3 years .

Another got raped by her friend ex boyfriend .

Another got raped by her father .

I got molested when sleeping and had gotten peep at in the bathroom by my father .

Guys texting girls "when can I meet you and do you ."

Guys taking turns having their go at a girl .

Tons of people I know had an abortion and some are even having their own child .

Abusive boyfriend/exes .

Guys having sex infornt of their friends .

All of this just sickens and increases my angry by a mile for men me .

For now I want to keep a close mind and lead a blind life but its impossible this is reality .

2010-12-27T20:40:00.000+08:00

Labyrinthine as a baroque

2010-12-23T00:06:00.002+08:00

Family affairs are labyrinthine as a baroque .

Are you still hankering for the inception of your own brood ?

2010-12-19T20:36:00.004+08:00

My birthday is coming up soon . My cousin is planning to stop by Sky Bar on the 31th . As I am working on the 29 30(my birthday) and 31(new years eve) . I would just love to take 1 of January 2011 off . I just hope they have mercy .

Talking about the new year and stuff , everyone (not everyone but those who bother) ,will be asking you , what is your new year resolution . My answer would be the same , change to a better person and losing weight .

It has been 6 years since I had that same resolution . Being a better person and losing weight seems like an unrealistic resolution to me and others who know me , its like wanting your prick to be bigger . But Hell ! I am so going to stick to it for the 7th time .

Weight loss : Having one meal per day with any junk . Seriously I can't survive without junk and I love JUNK!
I have planned my meals in advance .
Day 1: Samurai Burger , yum , taste like ramly .
Day 2: KFC
Day 3: Fish & Co
Day 4: Swensons
Day 5: Sakae shushi
Day 6: Ban Mian
Day 7: Kebab

Being a better person : Look , I am not going to be the holy godfather sister nun , NOWAY . It is more like being ladylike , poise . Of course I cant reach the perfect lady standard like dita von teese . I am just going to stay graceful and try not to stumble fall and clash . Also this concern patience and some anger management . oh ya , don't forget the girdle and the high heels .

Zouk out picture .

the one and only zouk out picture that I have .

Updates

2010-12-19T19:50:00.002+08:00

Wow , I should be telling you how much fun ZoukOut was . Sorry folks , I guess I went to LaLaLand after a few drinks and missed everything . I shall not elaborate more because its gonna be embarrassing . God I suck .

Career wise , didn't really fair that well too . Was late for work 2 times and both of the time i was an hour late . It wasn't my fault really .

Relationship , this is the good part . the best part of my life right now . without him my life totally suck .

Lastly , I want to tell you guys that . . . i just cant bring myself too . you know i have a lot to say but i really cant do it here .

2010-12-08T10:39:00.001+08:00

Luck where are you ? I need you . Come by quickly . Seriously !

2010-12-01T16:17:00.003+08:00

Did I told you that I have a new job at warehouse ? Yes ? No?

That I have moved to a new apartment ? Yes ? No ?

That I have been very busy with work ? Yes? No?

Been missing Pudding like crazy . Yes ? No?

Yes I have a job . Finally . After a few days of searching frantically .

My cute cozy apartment still need work especially with the unpacking .

I get one or two days off . Usually on the weekdays . (but Pudding is only free on the weekends)

The last time I saw him was 3 days ago . We were suppose to meet this weekends (after work) but he just got charged . That means , I've to wait 2 more week to see him , the worst part , I can't even contact him .

As for my eating habits , it is a lot more better as I am always busy with work . Today won't be as excellent cause I am on off .

Zouk Out is just one week away .

My birthday is just 3 weeks away .

2010-11-25T02:41:00.002+08:00

Had Nasi Lemak @ 11.30pm . Mood:Hungry . Drank . Ice Lemon Green Tea (its a brand new flavor)

It will be my 1st time working for Wing Tai today . Wish me luck . I still have not print out the necessary documents . I have to rush everything tmr . I don't even know what to wear .

2010-11-24T18:49:00.002+08:00

Ate, 2 Pieces of Garlic Bread @ 1am. Mood: Just want to eat . Drank, plain water .

Ate, 2 Pieces Of Garlic Bread @ 5pm. Mood: Happy. Drank Milo .

any more food intake will be updated .

2010-11-23T22:04:00.002+08:00

Now I weigh 47 kg. Again , but this time I will lose weight slowly and try not to end up on the floor .

My plan is to blog everything that I ate , and drink lots of water .

Ate Rice , chicken with gravy and some veggies @ 3 pm . Mood , just feeling like eating . Drank , diet coke .

Ate 5 sweets @ 5 pm . Mood , just wanna much something . Drank , plain water .

Ate 1 plain bread , 2 bread with chillie and 2 bread with sweetener and milo @ 9.30 pm . Mood , hungry. Drank , plain water .

I can see now why I am gaining pounds like mad . There is room for improvements . I will be working on it tomorrow .

By the way , this weight lose thing , doesn't require exercises .

2010-11-22T16:05:00.000+08:00

2010-11-22T15:33:00.002+08:00

I just realize that I am dumb. My god how long does it takes to me realize that i am dumb? 20 years? I am stupider than I thought. Basically I am like the most irritating person on The Blog , right now, seriously, I am all pictures, no words. Air head!

I also realize that I am growing . Like getting heavier and wider. Its time to detox detox detox. Toilet toilet toilet. Poo poo poo. Jog Jog Jog. If I don't have the look, I need to have a body, if i have no body, I need to have the brains. I have none! God I am such loser!

Other things I realize at random :

-moving to a new place in 2 days. Done nothing but decide to blog, go on FB and download songs from unauthorized websites.

-need organization skills. I sleep at 5am almost everyday, wake up at around 1pm, eat, go on FB and download songs from unauthorized websites.

-my hair needs an update. Had not bother about my hair cause it is permed and curly, nothing much that I can do about it . I will just wait for it to grow and the last 20 centimeters off .

music is my only friend.

Well, I am off, to Facebook .

xoxo

HSNH

in stress to destress

2010-11-10T20:46:00.002+08:00

you are not the person you are anymore.
you loved.
you look at me with an expression i don't understand.
i am not going to be the same person anymore.
i love.
i look at you that way cause i am afraid of you. i am terrified that you would treat me badly cause i treated you that way. i am scared you would leave me one day. i am afraid that you don't 'make love' anymore but more to clearing your mind and yourself.
i am bringing myself down, so that you can be at the higher end of things.

(Y)

2010-10-22T17:50:00.004+08:00

I am sitting here , smoking and surfing the net for no reason .

Then I started to think about families . So far I only know one family that is 'perfect' .

Thinking about my father , who use to beat my mother up . I was Six , I saw everything .

Why do I think about the bad past when I am alone clearing my mind ? Why didn't I think about ponies , rainbows or just imagining myself sun basking on the beach ?

Ok my alone time is up .

Bye bad memories , hello noise and new memories .

random talks to myself at night .

2010-10-06T03:06:00.002+08:00

I wish I may as mush as I like , I wish it upon a star tonight . Your arms around me , your tender kisses , your warmth and smell will enlighten me . Party of 2 like the old traditional ways will never bore me . Thrills that kills push them away . Slow and steady we'll win the race , against time , against all odds . We'll pull this through , you and I . See you smile again , living , breathing like a normal human being . Laughing , jumping , just one step away from the sea . Surfing . Take me with you ?

2010-10-04T13:26:00.000+08:00

slimming starts with xando , diet and exercises .

2010-09-28T22:14:00.001+08:00

yes i will get my heart and brain check . i just need a doctor who can do so .

2010-09-23T01:06:00.002+08:00

Raya .

2010-09-19T23:19:00.002+08:00

can anyone tell me the link to where i can find the lastest house music that is not in singapore yet ?
can somebody accompany me to raya tmr ?

i know i am hopeless . bye .

2010-09-16T14:49:00.002+08:00

Chilling out with my dearest , Atea , Afiq , Gail & Jim .

Ate loads of junk food .

Pee-ed at every staircase landing .

Pee-ed in the open .

Masturbated in the open .

Awesome .

2010-09-15T02:07:00.002+08:00

It pains me be blogging .
It reminds me of someone of just somethings , like back to memory lane 1920s .

Ask me now why I'm blogging .
To move on .

No one can read my mind .
If I were to see a mentalist , I'll be on their side of the table .

I've met someone recently .
He is nice , funny , notorious .
We work well .
I wish I could show the world what he meant to me .

Temptation

2010-08-16T22:44:00.002+08:00

One must resits temptation . Temptation is your weakness . Temptation is what your soul desires to do , morally its wrong , sometimes an obstacle we need to overcome to reach one's goals . We all give in to temptation at some point , don't deny . What matters is , how often you give in .

2010-08-04T13:30:00.002+08:00

(I want to live in a tent , in a place that is beautiful and peaceful)

I don't need a job that pays a high salary , I just want a job that I'm happy working at .

I don't need a home that is big and beautiful , I just want somewhere I can stay peacefully .

You think I am crazy , I think I'll be happy .

Decades

2010-08-02T15:00:00.002+08:00

Its been decades since I last change my blog skin . Finally .

More independent , strong , looking blog .

I need to be strong with all the havoc that has been going around .

Stupid of me to cry 2 days straight . Need a new life pronto !

2010-08-02T13:55:00.001+08:00

Create a playlist at MixPod.com

Wrong

2010-08-02T03:11:00.002+08:00

Woke up at 8.16 am today need to use the bathroom . Bathroom was in use and another person was queueing up for it . So . . .

Fuck it ! This is a really long shitty story . And I am mad pissed off right now , at 3 am !

Great , thanks a lot for depriving me of my sleep and being so understanding motherfuckers .

I need space . Lots of it ! I am going to lock myself in the bathroom for a while and cry .

Kuala Lumpur

2010-07-30T20:26:00.002+08:00

A

2010-07-30T16:46:00.003+08:00

A should not have a reverse effect on me but I don't know why I think that A is just a hindrance to me now . A is stupid enough to get Aself in complicated shit things . A will then holla me asking for help . I told A a lot of times but A wouldn't listen . A just love all that attention . A is so flirty and always does that voice which irritates me . A touching me also pisses me off a little , but I don't show it to A . Don't want to hurt A's feelings . Sometimes I wish A is much more considerate about how I feel . I have a future . I need to move . Don't be a 58kg sandbag that I need to drag . Even if its mentally , its tiring .

But I can't help but love you because you are sweet .

Blogging at 4am

2010-07-30T03:46:00.000+08:00

All good things must come to an end

2010-07-28T12:01:00.002+08:00

You may think that I am lucky but I am not .

All those overseas trip (just to a neighbouring country) , I got to work (a job) for the money , to get there .

Of course most people can just rely on their parents . Have a family vacation .

My parents are different . They cant afford it .

Father works hard to support the 4 other members of the family .

He is just a construction worker .

Mother is just afraid to go out to work , she cant speak English, and is 46 years old .

In addition to all the financial problems , they are divorcing .

Father has found someone who "cares" for him . (a stupid Indonesian women)

I just don't get it , don't they feel guilty taking someone else husband ? If that were to happen to me , I will be so devastated ! Right straight to depression !

They (Indons) think that living in Singapore would be great , its clean , its green , no riots or whatever . WRONG BITCHES ! Its fucking expensive ! Our small house cost much much much much more than your 2 story big house .

Take me for example , I am living in a 4 room HDB flat that cost , maybe , 300K , and there are 9 people living in the house right now . My sleeping condition is bad ! 3 mattress on the floor , side by side covers the entire room ! My mattress is the nearest to the door , so people just step on my mattress , my pillow , leaving behind dirt , germs , dust , everything ! So guess what , I got bedbugs biting me all the time !

Mother , is so strong , she did not cry infort of us . She doesn't want us to feel sad . As for me I cried ! I don't care whoever was there . My younger brother who is 15 now , was upset and decided to punch my younger sister , who is 14 , on the arms two times . Cause guys cant cry , they need to be tough . My sister , just stayed quiet , like she always does . Mother feels lonely now that father ignored her , doesn't want to eat her cooking in case she put any potion in it . Mother now , has found a guy she like . She said to me , its not about the money , its not about the looks , its about whether you like the person or not .

Father in a hurry to divorce decided to sell the house 1st . Not caring if we have a home to stay after . The situation now is . We have no where to stay in a months time .

Yes relative house maybe , if they let us in . Most of their houses are full . They cant take in all 9 of us .

Sadly , I don't even have a computer . I am always using my bf's computer or my cousin's . I am one of those without a computer . I am one of those whose Father did some bad things to them . For me its peeing at me in the showers , touching me when I was a sleep .

I forgave him though . Its not like he went to the extreme

Anyway , my friend said to me that people change no matter how long you guys are in a relationship . I am starting to think that its true . I want to have a relationship where you grow old and die together . I am seeing to many divorce , to many affairs , too much ! That i am afraid

. I just hope my bf doesn't fuck around if he decided to marry me . I wouldn't be able to take that kind of blow .

Hope for the best . Get ready for the worst .

2010-06-04T00:10:00.001+08:00

2010-06-03T23:48:00.003+08:00

Wish he was expressive as last time .

Pray he won't leave me .

Hope he still love me .

Beg he would look at me .

2010-05-31T18:35:00.001+08:00

2010-05-28T11:55:00.000+08:00

2010-05-25T19:15:00.000+08:00

lost a reasonable amount of weight . going to keep working hard to lose more .

2010-05-23T22:52:00.000+08:00

1.he fed me ice cream and fried nuggets . hlljh .

2.house sold .

3.reading . . .

2010-05-13T23:37:00.002+08:00

Haniz is gone . A new beginning with lots of pain .

Anyway , can't wait for the 5 days KL trip . Woo !

JayJ has facebook people , and he block me off . Thank you very much .

To JayJ

2010-05-11T11:07:00.000+08:00

I SO FUCKING LOVE YOU .

Graduation

2010-05-04T23:31:00.001+08:00

2010-05-02T22:55:00.005+08:00

2010-04-30T23:15:00.001+08:00

Now its . . .

HANIZ

2010-04-30T10:59:00.002+08:00

I am calling you Hanis , cause its a name for a guy or a girl .

I am calling you Hanis , cause you'll have a smile that's Manis (sweet) .

I am calling you Hanis , cause there's a hidden message behind it .

I am calling you Hanis , cause you're the 1st one I ever had .

I am calling you Hanis , cause I don't want to refer you as It , She or Him .

I am calling you Hanis , cause I love you even though I just get to know you for a few days .

But you know what Hanis , I have to say goodbye to you as I am not prepared to commit with you .

Mom

2010-04-29T23:29:00.001+08:00

Mothers Day is coming up .

hahahaha.

Anyway i'm going to be broke . Oh , wait ! I'm already am .

2010-04-28T14:22:00.002+08:00

Its 2.20 pm , I am still not out of bed yet . This is normal .

What's abnormal about the normal , is that I woke up at I slept at 6 am and woke up at 9 am , I am still in bed .

2010-04-26T19:42:00.001+08:00

2010-04-12T23:04:00.002+08:00

upcoming events : Aishah's BBQ pit

Peaches's concert .

2010-04-09T13:37:00.001+08:00

1st thing 1st . . I'm still on blogger . Its just that i don't blog . I only go to my blog to see other people's blog , because i'm lazy to blog . Get it.

So basically . .

My friend has already given birth to a cute young boy named : Naveed Adel . But this baby is not going to be in her hands , cause , duh she is still young , she doesn't have a job and her aunt who has been trying really hard to get a baby (but only end up with a miscarriage) wants her baby .

Another friend of mine has gone to the wild side ! As in the jungle of Brunei . Training to serve the nation .

This is the part where I hate most . . . I got a GPA of 2.8 (which is like more than enough/enough to get you in a poly) but fuck ! I didn't get in . Well , the world is cruel . I'll be looking for a Full Time job as an accounting clerk . Then i'll fulfill my dream of becoming the worlds famous DJ like Paul Van Dyk .

2010-04-09T13:23:00.002+08:00

1st thing 1st . . I'm still on blogger . Its just that i don't blog . I only go to my blog to see other people's blog , because i'm lazy to blog . Get it.

So basically . .

Another friend of mine has gone to the wild side ! As in the jungle of Brunei . Training to serve the nation .

2010-03-08T00:04:00.002+08:00

For these past few days I've been partying .
Its kind of irritating in a way , because partying drains your energy like crazy , its addictive too .

Time to find a job !
I've got plans and it involve some hard cash .

2010-03-02T15:19:00.001+08:00

fuck stupid fucking hady .

2010-02-25T21:37:00.000+08:00

LIFE IS SO DAMN GOOD NOW !

2010-02-02T08:40:00.000+08:00

Life is so fucked up .
My head is so messed up .

Idiot.

=(

2010-01-19T09:29:00.002+08:00

The same old trick that once fooled me , it won't work to your advantage this time .

I am Single now . (i'll get rid of that picture later >>>>>>>)
=p

I am not exactly elated about being single .

2010-01-12T08:52:00.002+08:00

I have been crying everyday . That is what i have been doing .
And oh ! One meal a day . I NEED to lose some weight !

2009-12-18T15:27:00.001+08:00

School holidays are here .
I am not that happy .

No plans at all .

2009-12-10T13:15:00.002+08:00

Sorry i cannot hear you , im kinda busy , im kinda busy , im kinda busy , sorry i cannot hear you , iam kinda busy . Stop calling stop calling me , i dont want to talk anymore ~ ~

so the songs goes on ....... in my big fat ugly empty head .

Oh Oh ! The show i calafared in is coming to hit my telly next year . I want to watch it ! I want to see how stupid i look . wahahahahahaha .